DoubleDate
by aug325
Summary: Kakuzu gets dragged onto a blind date by Hidan. Little did he know how beautiful she would look. HidaKona and KakuTsu. One shot. posted on deviantart Rated M for language a bit of sexual content.


"Come on, Kakuzu! Please!" Hidan begged.

"No Hidan.." Kakuzu growled for the umpteenth time.

"AWWW! Come on, you old miser, just do this one thing… ONE FUCKING THING for me, and hell, I… I'll… I'll stop bitching on missions for a week, how's that sound?"

The offer was tempting, but Kakuzu knew Hidan could only hold that promise for five mintues… maybe less.

"No." Kakuzu responded.

Hidan put on a pleading face. "Hey, come on! Could be fun!" Hidan sheepishly shrugged.

A pause.

"No." Kakuzu responded again, and turned his head back into his book.

Hidan groaned and ran his fingers through his silver hair. His eyes narrowed at him, and he pointed a finger at him. "Ya know…. That's your problem! You never want to leave this room for anything other then fucking money!"

"And your problem is you never shut the hell up." Kakuzu calmly responded without looking up. Hidan sighed.

"Come on! We need a fourth party, dammit!"

Kakuzu glanced up from his book and his eyes narrowed at Hidan.

They were in the Akatsuki base, in the room they shared, and Kakuzu was in his separate bed, reading.. or rather, TRYING to read. Hidan stood in front of him, looking rather frustrated and angry. Kakuzu glared at him. Hidan was trying to convince Kakuzu to go on a double date with him. Not as a couple of coarse. That situation would be weird for both of them. Hidan would be going with Konan, and Kakuzu would be with………. Some other female Hidan always tried to pin him down with. This wasn't the first time Hidan's tried a stupid stunt like this. Always trying to pair Kakuzu up with some women. Kakuzu has always been an anti-social, harsh, and grumpy person, and Hidan always took that as the hint that Kakuzu needed to get laid. While it is true, that Kakuzu hasn't done anything sexual with a woman for decades, he never felt the need. Woman are expensive, troublesome beings. Having a woman would just weigh him down and empty his wallet. He didn't need a woman. He didn't want one. He was perfectly happy as the way things were.

"Hidan. I said no." Kakuzu said again, turning back to his book.

"and I said: 'IT COULD BE FUN'!" Hidan said pointy.

Kakuzu sighed. "Hidan, can't you get it through your thick head, I don't WANT to go?"

"Well can't you fucking understand that I don't WANT to drag you along! I'm doing this shit for Konan!"

Kakuzu looked up from his book and straight into Hidan's eyes at that comment. Hidan's eyes widened, and he must of gotten embarrassed for Kakuzu's sudden shown of interest at that comment because his face turned deep red and he looked away out of his piercing eyes. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

"L-look…" Hidan hesitantly began, rubbing the back of his neck and averting Kakuzu's gaze. "This shit was actually Konan's idea….. she said it was romantic for couples ta do this double dating shit……..she's bringing one of her friends…….so……..she said ta bring one of mine and….."

"Your bringing me." Kakuzu said disgusted.

Hidan's head snapped back at him. He was angry, but still quite red in the face. "H-Hey! I don't have a lot of friends, OKAY!"

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me in the least." Kakuzu responded.

Hidan glared at him. "FUCK YOU!"

Kakuzu sighed. "If it was Konan's idea, why don't you ask some other member for you to drag them along?"

Hidan sighed. "I tried. No one wanted to go, you're the last resort. Seriously."

Kakuzu blinked. Last resort.

"Itachi?"

"Mission with Kisame."

"Deidara?"

"The dentist."

"Tobi?"

"Too hyper."

"Sasori?"

"He's dead! (senile old fart)."

"Zetsu?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Orochimaru?"

"He left years ago."

"Pein?"  
"AWWW FUCKING HELL NO!!!!"

Kakuzu cringed. He really was the last resort. And Kakuzu knew that because Konan was a dependent woman, she wouldn't give Hidan his until he found someone for her friend to date. Konan probably picked an expensive place too. This is why Kakuzu wasn't interested in woman. Always bossing you around, spending your hard earned cash.

Kakuzu sighed as he put down his book and rubbed his forehead.

"Hidan, remember that LAST few hundred girls you tried to pair me up with?"

Hidan gave a nervous smile. "T-This one will be different, seriously!"

Kakuzu glared at him. "How do you know, have you meet her?"

Hidan cringed. "Well………… not……………. Personally.." He grinned.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

"But seriously! I got a good feeling about this one! Come on! Pretty Please, Kakuzu-chan?"

Kakuzu sighed. "You just want me to come, because if you don't get Konan's girlfriend a date, she'll get pissed at you, and probably enforce the: 'no sex for a week' law."

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Hidan replied. "Hey so, come on… What ya say? I hear from what Konan says she's really hot….. come on? What you say?"

Kakuzu glared at him.

"No." Kakuzu said finally.

Hidan glared at him. "Look! the place is actually a fancy shit ass restaurant this time, not a strip joint like the last few times…. And if you just come with me, Hell, I'll even pay your way there, dumbass!"

……………

"Alright."

"Come on! Why won't you just- huh? Wait…. What?" Hidan blinked.

"If your paying for my food, I'll go, but that's it. As long as it's free."

A big grin came to Hidan's face. Kakuzu stared blankly at him. Hidan then did something totally and completely unexpected.

He jumped on Kakuzu in a bone crushing hug, got behind him. Before Kakuzu could rip his head off, Hidan had got him in a noogie and ruffled his hair.

"SERIOUSLY?!?!! MAN! Thanks Kakuzu! Konan would of killed me if I didn't get SOMEBODY! I owe you one! Seriously!"

"LET GO OF ME YOU IDIOT!" Kakuzu growled.

Hidan laughed and put his arms around Kakuzu's neck in a playful way. "Kuzu's gonna get laid tonight!" he joked.

Two seconds later, Hidan's head was on the floor.

"FUCK YOU!!!"

Kakuzu sighed, his elbow on the table as his cheek leaned on his fist, eyes wondering. He was dressed in a black suit, with his headgear off, for the restaurant was formal. He was sitting at the table, and he was bored out of his mind. He kept glancing around the restaurant and Hidan wasn't lying when he said it was fancy. The ceiling was stretched really high, with pillars supporting it. The whole place was lit up by dim lighting and candlelight. He herd the faint sound of someone playing music in the background. Kakuzu knew that this place was probably horribly expensive, and he was relieved that Hidan was paying. Otherwise, Kakuzu would have been gone in a heartbeat. Kakuzu continued examining the place with his eyes. He wasn't used to places like this. The rich atmosphere seemed to suffocate him, and he was uncomfortable. He sighed. He just wanted to eat his meal, and leave. He kept his face blank and kept his eyes wondering with his hand on his cheek.

He then boredly glanced at Hidan and Konan, who were sitting at least one chair from him. Konan was wearing a sparkling blue dress with long white gloves, her hair done up quite nicely. She had some makeup on her face, but only enough to enhance her beauty, not cloud it. She was staring at Hidan as she listened to him ramble on about nothing in particular. Hidan had his hair slicked back as usual, wearing a nice dark suit that looked black but if one were to look apon closer inspection, they would notice it had a slight purple tint to it. It really brought out his eyes. His suit was unbuttoned slightly showing part of his chest. His jashinist rosary hanging from his neck.

Kakuzu listened as Hidan babbled on and on.. Something about Jashin….. he wasn't really was paying attention. Then his eyes glanced the empty chair next to him. His supposed "date" hasn't shown up yet. Figures. And Konan insisted that they won't order until she gets here. That could take all night. Hidan seemed to notice this as well, because then his ears tuned in to Hidan's conversation.

"Oy, Konan, when the fuck will she show up, seriously? She lost or something?"

Konan smiled. "Hidan, be patient…"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah…. It's just I'm worried about this guy." He jabbed a thumb at Kakuzu over his shoulder, as if Kakuzu couldn't hear him.

"I mean, this fucker waits any longer, he'll go through some type of male midlife-crisis menopause shit!"

Kakuzu snapped.

Kakuzu rose from his seat hands went directly around Hidan's neck forcefully as he began strangling him. Glaring bloody murder. Hidan laughed.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Kakuzu snarled.

Hidan laughed as Kakuzu's hands began crushing his windpipe shaking him violently. The next thing Kakuzu knew was that his body was being held back by thousands of sheets of paper as his grip loosened on Hidan and his hands became was bounded by paper. Only his head was showing. Kakakuzu was about to yell at Konan, but then he saw Hidan was being restricted too. In the same manner.

"Both of you. Behave." Konan said with a hint of malice in her voice. Hidan and Kakuzu blinked. Kakuzu looked away and grumbled. "Fine."

He didn't want to act immature about it. Even though Hidan DID start it. Konan released him and Kakuzu returned to his seat, glaring at Hidan.

Hidan said nothing… he just stared at Konan, shocked, and blinking.

"Hidan?" Konan asked in a threatening voice. Hidan's heart jumped in his chest, and his breathing quickened. There was a pause.

"Y-ya know…." Hidan smiled a little staring into her deep amber eyes. "Your dead sexy when ya talk like that….seriously…"

Konan blinked and gave a coy smile, as she released him, letting one of her papers give a little cut on his cheek. Hidan felt his heart stop, and butterflies rise in his stomach.. he trembled slightly. He almost got hard then and there.

"Am I turning you on?" she asked.

Hidan blinked then he smirked. "Honestly: yes." He responded and pulled her into a deep passionate kiss. His tongue going around inside her mouth as his tongue danced with hers. They both closed their eyes as Konan's arms went around his neck, and Hidan's arms wrapped around her back, his hands slowly heading towards her ass..

"Hey, break it up you two! We haven't even ordered our food yet." Kakuzu responded harshly. Looking disgusted and embarrassed because they were in a public place.

Hidan's lips pulled away from Konan, and he grinned slightly at Kakuzu, as he held Konan close.

"Your just jealous." He replied cockily.

Kakuzu glared at him looking disgusted. "As if. You idiot."

Hidan smirked. "See? This is the exact reason why ya need ta get lai.."

"Hidan, drop it." Konan said.

Hidan smiled. "Oy! Fine, fine.." He laughed.

Kakuzu sighed. Then he stared at Konan. "Konan," Kakuzu said. "Why was this your idea anyway…"

Konan smiled and pulled away from Hidan so she was sitting back in her seat. "You always never want to seem to do anything or talk to anybody, I thought I might as well intrude you too a couple of woman." She winked.

Kakuzu glared at her. "Not you too."

Konan shook her head. "Not like that, Kakuzu. You don't have to BE with her, or intimate with her if you don't want too. I just want to see you make some friends and act social for once in your life. The only people you ever talk to around the base is Hidan, but only to get him to stop talking… and Pein-sama, but only for business matters. I'm just saying it would be nice if you had a couple of friends either in or outside the organization."

Kakuzu 's eyes narrowed. He turned his head away.. "The only thing you can trust on in this world is money. Relationships are useless." He simply responded with no emotion in his voice, as if this was a fact.

Hidan hesistated. He hated Kakuzu but he couldn't help feel a little empathy towards him. So far, every single girl that Hidan tried to pair Kakuzu with…. Kakuzu usually lost his temper and killed the bitch or…. Most likely, before it even gets that far, the woman takes one look at his stitches, and walks away, either disgusted or terrified. Hidan wanted to say something profound, something to comfort the old man, but what came out of his mouth was: "Ya know, Kakuzu, sometimes you really piss me off."

Kakuzu just closed his eyes, and waved his hand tiredly, as if he was trying to shoo Hidan away like an annoying fly. He rested his hand on his fist again.

Hidan glared, sighed then turned his attention back on Konan.

"So, this bitch friend of yours gonna show up? Seriously."

"Don't call her that Hidan, and… oh! Yes!" Konan's eyes lit up as she recognized someone near the doorway. The woman looked hesitant and was looking around, searching. Konan waved her hand high in the air, trying to get noticed by the female who was at the door.

The woman then noticed Konan, smiled, and make her way to the table and sat down in the seat next to Kakuzu. Kakuzu took no notice. He kept his eyes closed and his hand on his cheek, his head turned the other way, not wanting to her to look at his face. He didn't really care about the woman. He just wanted to get his food, and get out.

"Hey, Sorry I'm late!" She said. She had a very strong deep voice for a woman, and it indicated power behind it to back it up."There was just a slot machine with my name on it and I couldn't say no!"

Konan giggled. "Gambling again, Tsunade?" she asked.

Kakuzu opened his eyes slightly and narrowed them thinking. Gambling? This bitch was a money waster? Kakuzu grunted and moved his position slightly, trying his best not to kill the woman. But he still didn't look at her. The woman turned her head and looked at the back of his head in curiosity.

Hidan's eyes narrowed. "Ya know, gambling and money hording is a sin!"

The woman glared. "You got a problem with that?!" She said in a threatening voice as she rose to her feet. And from where Hidan was sitting, her massive breasts were now in level with his face.

Hidan stuttered, embarrassed and tried to avoid his eyes from her cleavage but he couldn't stop staring.

"Well……….. um…….. urm…. No…………….no……….no ma'am…….. I….I" His eyes were fixed there now.

Then Kakuzu herd Konan slap Hidan. He still hadn't turned around.

"Hidan!" She hissed. "Quit being a pervert!"

"S-sorry….. Konan-chan….." Hidan whispered to her. "Y-ya know I love you…..But seriously, you never told me that the girl has a rack bigger then a pair of bowling balls!"

"HIDAN!" Konan hissed slapping him again.

"Sorry…" Hidan whispered back. "Sorry…. But how can anyone not notice those?! They're busting out of her collar like a couple of cantaloupes! You would have to be blind or gay to NOT notice them!"

Konan's eyes narrowed. Hidan looked hesitant. Then he planted a small kiss on her cheek.

He gave a small pleading smile. "Sorry, okay?" he said with sincerity in his voice. Konan stared at Hidan's puppy dog eyes routine. Konan laughed and smiled. "Okay." She said and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

Hidan then said to Tsunade, "I-I was just saying, you'd probably get along good with Kakuzu. Both of you are major sinners when it comes to money."

"Oh really?" Tsunade asked curiously, staring at the back from the person sitting next to her.

"Yeah. Seriously. That dude LOVES money! He probably dreams about it and having sex with-"

"HIDAN!!!!!"

Kakuzu finally responded since his "date" got had a very deep, haunting voice.

He turned around and glared daggers at Hidan, ready to kill that asshole, but was stopped his glare when he noticed the woman in front of him.

She had beautiful captivating brown eyes with long eyelashes that blinked at him. She was wearing heavy lipstick that actually looked really good on her. Her long blonde hair framed her face nicely, and was put back in a loose ponytail in the back. There was a small blue diamond on her forehead. She was wearing a summer light green dress with thin straps. It exposed much of her skin, and her breasts…..

…..

were huge……

Kakuzu couldn't stop himself staring….

Tsunade stared at Kakuzu when he turned to face her. He had long black untidy hair that ran almost all the way to his rump, and many strands were in front of his face, but he didn't seem to care. She stared at his dark brown skin and his eyes…. Were the strangest thing she ever saw….. His pupils were a beautiful light green while the area around his eyes were a shade of magenta. And those stitches…. On his face… they ran all the way across his cheeks, only stopping at his mouth. She found them….. enchanting…. But a different type of enchantment…. She was curious……. But something else….

Those stitches…..

His lips….

Tsunade couldn't stop herself staring…..

The two were silent. Staring at each other. Kakuzu's eyes fixed on her cleavage and Tsunade's eyes fixed on his lips. Neither moved a muscle. Both were breathless.

Hidan smirked, knowing what was going on, and said to them both: "Enjoying the view?"

That was when both of their eyes snapped upward and they made eye contact. Both of them blushed fiercely, staring at eachother's eyes… thinking the other saw…

Tsunade and Kakuzu both turned their heads away from each other… and Kakuzu blushed fiercely, coughing into his hand.. just wishing he could be back in his room, reading his book…. Tsunde blushed and stared at the ground ashamed….

'Darn it.' She thought. 'I made him feel uncomfortable….'

Kakuzu was completely turned away, his face extremely red…. Giving off fake coughs…still trying his best to make his eyes avoid looking there again, but they kept darting glances….

Hidan smirked.

Konan laughed, a hand covering her mouth. And she knew what was running though both of their heads. Tsunade was completely oblivious to the fact that Kakuzu was ogling her breasts….. and she just thought he was sensitive about his stitches…. Konan continued giggling… Which only made Kakuzu blush even more, (if that was even possible), and he sunk a little in his chair, closing his eyes tightly…. Trying to hide his face…

"Hidan, wasn't that a bit harsh?" she giggled.

Hidan laughed at both of them who were really red in the face, but Kakuzu was even more embarrassed. Hidan smirked and turned back to Konan, and ran a hand through her hair. Her hand moved to her cheek and she stared at him lovingly.

"Trust me, he'll thank me for that later." Then he kissed her..

Kakuzu and Tsunade were blushing fiercely avoiding the other's gaze.

Kakuzu had only one thought through his mind.

"Hidan, you son of a bitch."


End file.
